An Open Letter to Christians Upset About the Phil Robertson Brouhaha

Dear Christian, I know it’s very upsetting to hear that Phil Robertson was suspended from Duck Dynasty for his controversial anti-homosexuality comments. A&E should know better than to risk the wrath of red-blooded American conservatives. If you're upset about all this, here's what I'd like to say to you: A&E is a privately owned company that can do whatever they want. If they want to suspend Phil, they can. If they want to cancel Duck Dynasty, they can. It’s not like Read more

A Conversation With Jesus

Have you ever stopped and really imagined what it would be like to sit down, one-on-one with Jesus? Imagine sitting at the breakfast table before you head out to work, drinking your coffee; you hear a knock at the door and Jesus Christ is standing there: He doesn’t even have to say, “Hi, I’m Jesus” because I already knew who he was the moment I saw Him. There’s something about those eyes, they’re not what I expected. They’re so full Read more

Whose Body Is It Anyway?

My last blog post “All God’s Daughters Wear Bikinis?” has stirred up quite a reaction. It seems that modesty is an issue that needs to be addressed more often. I believe part of the reason for this longing is that there’s been a lack of teaching and instruction. I can honestly say that, as a man, it’s awkward to address the issue of modesty to a woman, but I believe it’s necessary. I truly believe that most young women Read more

All God's Daughters Wear Bikinis?

Let me ask a question to all the God-fearing, Jesus-loving, Christian women out there: Would you post a picture of yourself on Facebook in just your bra and panties? Would you let your daughter? A question to the God-fearing, Jesus-loving, Christian men: What would you think and feel if a woman walked up to you in the mall and took off her shirt and shorts and started talking to you in her underwear? Would you tell her to stop? Would Read more

The Worst Christian Tradition

I know this will upset some people, but it’s time to stop the worst tradition in the Christian Church. What could that be, you ask? The practice of washing people’s feet. In case you don’t know, Jesus washed the disciple’s feet before the Last Supper (John 13). Jesus even said, “And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet.” (John 13:14) Some church denominations have made this an ordinance. Other Read more

Media Feeding Frenzy & Racism

Why do we get so consistently played by the media? I sometimes feel like we’re living in an episode of “Punk’d” and Ashton Kutcher is going to run out laughing at us for getting caught up in another media feeding frenzy. The media and news outlets would have us believe that America is on the brink of race riots and civil war. Really? Interviewed after the trial, juror B37 told Anderson Cooper that the jurors had no idea the trial Read more

Today I Did Not Meet Jesus

Churches attract all kinds of interesting characters. Today, Jesus showed up. I don’t mean that in a spiritual “I found Jesus” way, I mean a guy calling himself “Jesus” actually came to our church. I tried to greet him even though he had headphones in, but when he saw me sticking my hand out to shake his hand, he only held up his palm and pointed at it. At first, I wondered if he was deaf and mute and Read more

Confession and Repentance

Throughout our entire lives, we will sin. This is a fact. Maybe if you’re a really righteous, super spiritual Christian, you might string together an amazing streak of two or three whole days without sinning! Congratulations. This is why we have to live in an ongoing state of confessing our sins and repenting before God. Confession and repentance is not a prayer you prayed one time, this is a lifestyle choice. This ongoing cycle does not reflect flakiness, but the opposite: Read more

The Bible Loves Science: Part 2

The Bible was inspired by God. It's obvious because it reveals scientific facts hundreds and sometimes thousands of years before men discovered these facts for themselves. It could have only been inspired by an all-knowing God who loves us. God and Medicine. 9. God told Abraham to circumcise male children on the eighth day of life. Circumcision is the only surgery described in the bible. “It is only in the last few decades that it has been found that the eighth day Read more

The Bible Loves Science

One might think that with scientific advances, the Bible would be ripped to shreds by opponents and secular academia. The Bible is a compilation of scripture that was written between about 4000 and 2000 years ago. Think of all the scientific misinformation that has been corrected in recent history. Not long ago scientists believed whole-heartedly that: the world was flat, blood-letting cured disease, the sun revolved around the earth, and that black people and women were less intelligent. Based on how Read more

How to Avoid Relationship Drift

two-pathsToday is my wedding anniversary and a great day to reflect on relationships. I’ve observed couples with good relationships and couples with bad relationships. I’ve seen friends become enemies and I’ve seen a few instances when opponents become reconciled. I can confidently say that relationships are made or broken over time through a continuous series of decisions and events. Broken relationships are usually the victim of relationship drift.

What is it?

Relationship drift occurs as one person in a relationship makes a series of choices that weaken the relationship. Listen, you don’t wake up and decide to hate your husband one day. You didn’t just have a random mid-life crisis and decide that you suddenly despise the sight of your wife. Relationship drift happens subtly and slowly.

Relationship drift between two people is usually prefaced by relationship drift between one party and God. We’ve all been guilty of skipping prayer or bible-reading time. I get it. But what begins as a “busy season,” can quickly turn into a cold relationship. Whenever we spend time reading the word and talking to God, we align our hearts with His heart. As our hearts are aligned, our nature and behavior more closely resembles God’s nature. Our decisions will reflect our alignment with God’s heart. But as we drift more out of alignment, our behavior tends to look less and less Christ-like. A cooling relationship with God will quickly lead to decision-making that hurts your relationships with other people.

What does it look like?

You and your wife used to have one date night per week, and then you had one per month. Now you ask, “What’s a date night?”

You used to think your husband was sexy, but now you think fictional characters in racy books are sexy and you wish your husband was “more exciting.”

You used to do random acts to surprise your wife and show her you loved her, then you started telling yourself, “She knows I love her,” so you cut back. Eventually you decided, “That kind of stuff is for newlyweds.”

Taking people for granted leads to relationship drift. Selfishness leads to relationship drift. Laziness leads to relationship drift.

How to avoid it…

Stop making excuses. Start doing the right thing. Don’t decide you’re going to start reading your bible “next week.” Do it right now. Don’t decide you’re going to do something nice for your spouse next month. Do it tonight. Just as relationships sour after months and years of relationship drift, they are healed by steady applications of love and selflessness.

Your relationship didn’t “lose the fire.” Intimacy is not something one finds and then loses like a set of keys. Intimacy is something that is created by intentional cultivation. The way you get intimacy back is to correct your course, realign your priorities, and pursue the one you love.

Posted on by Ryan Visconti in Marriage, Men, Uncategorized, Women 2 Comments

2 Responses to How to Avoid Relationship Drift

  1. Judy Rosenboom/AKA

    Ryan… words of truth…such profound thoughts for a newleywed!

    • Ryan Visconti

      Wow, thank you! I am blessed with a great marriage!


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