If you’re NOT married: absolutely NONE!
If you ARE married: an absolute TON!
Let’s start by acknowledging that this may get awkward for some. The Catholic Church gave sex a bad name when they exalted virginity above marriage. On the other hand, the Puritans celebrated sex. William Gouge, a Puritan minister who lived in the 16th century, said that married couples should engage in sex “with good will and delight, willingly, readily, and cheerfully.” In other words, do it often and have fun!
The world has tried to hijack sex from what God intended it for. God created man and then He created woman. Here’s the crazy thing, he made them with complimentary parts! He then conducted the first wedding in history and said, in the words of Nike,”just do it.”
Simple formula: (God is good) + (God created sex) = Sex is Good
Tips for a healthy sex life:
Sex is to emotional intimacy, as peanut-butter is to jelly.
A woman will be more likely to have sex because she feels intimacy with their husband. A man will feel more intimacy with his wife because he’s had sex with her. I say, let’s not over-complicate this. If both husband and wife decide to have sex frequently, there will be lots of intimacy and lots of sex! That’s a win anyway you look at it. The best thing you can do for your marriage is to have a ton of sex. It’s difficult to be mad at your spouse, harbor bitterness, or be selfish when your love life is healthy.
You should have sex when your spouse wants to have sex with you if you possibly can.
We all get tired and we all have busy days. But you said “I do,” so….”do.” Here’s one of the coolest passages in the whole Bible: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you….” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5) This is a good time to point out that being a Christian is awesome.
Sex helps to prevent your eyes and heart from wandering from your spouse. God decided to make room for that warning in his holy word, so we should probably take notice.
Your spouse should be your definition of “hotness.”
The rise of pornography has created a pick-your-flavor mindset in our culture, but your spouse should be your definition of “hot.” Here’s how it’s supposed to work: If your wife is thin, you like thin girls. If your wife is fat, you like you formerly thin girls. If your husband has no hair and a big rear-end, you like bald guys with junk-in-the-trunk.
However your spouse currently looks, that’s your “type.” Period.
That being said, don’t use marriage as an excuse to let yourself go. We are stewards of our bodies so we have a responsibility to eat right, get sleep, and exercise. Gals shouldn’t stop shaving their legs when they get married, and guys shouldn’t stop showering. A little polish goes a long way towards making you nicer to look at.
Truly be: “friends with benefits.”
A husband and wife should truly be best friend…with benefits. Married couples should focus on being friends with one another. Enjoy each other, spend time together, and laugh together. Learn the other person’s love language, then show them love in that way. But don’t forget the benefits! The thing that separates your husband or wife from every other man or woman in the world is what he or she can righteously do with you. A couple that focuses on being friends with benefits will be a very happy couple.
Frequency is important.
So the obvious question will be “how much is enough?” That’s going to vary from one couple to the next, but one Christian counselor recommended the “every-other-day” rule. That means aiming for 3-4x a week. If some is good, more is better.
First, share this article on facebook, so your non-Christian friends will know what they’re missing. Now go ahead and share this article with your spouse and make plans to put the kids to bed early!